I wrote this post on October 2nd. I contemplated about writing this post, because I don’t like to talk about my downs. They make me feel vulnerable. And I hate feeling vulnerable, but fact is, I want my blog to stay real. And it wouldn’t be real if there aren’t any downs. For the past few weeks, I’ve experienced many ups. However, we all know the saying: what goes up, must come down. And on this day I reached my down.
Today I woke up feeling…Mediocre. I usually wake up feeling great, ready to conquer the day. Ready to spread sprinkles and shit. Not today. Even as I was listening to positive self-affirmations, it wasn’t sinking in. I didn’t even bother writing my regular daily quote, didn’t even bother listening to my motivational podcasts. None of that. Also I was feeling somewhat under the weather. Still, I felt optimistic. This was gonna go by. It’s just the Monday morning feeling.
I went to check my FB and saw I got a rather gloomy message. It appears to be that the project I’m currently setting up, someone else is already doing it. And have been doing it for quite some time already. I think you can understand my hesitation, whether I should continue with my plan.
Mind you,at this time I still haven’t gotten to work where I mostly deal with unhappy/complaining clients. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t dislike my job, I absolutely enjoy hearing these people complain as they allow me to realize that the small things in life matter. A LOT. However, I do need a particular energy to deal with them. Otherwise they will suck me dry.
Today, I didn’t have enough energy. I knew that from the get go, but I was still gonna face them. I was still gonna help the clients and hopefully let their day start better than mine! Until…I received that one mail…
That one mail, that made my stomach churn. That one mail that cost me so much energy. That one mail that made me reach my down. I won’t go into details concerning that mail, but I can tell you that it won’t make my life any easier.
It was then that I requested my supervisor if I could go home earlier, because I was feeling unwell. This may sound weak, but as I mentioned before, I was feeling under the weather and that mail had only made me feel worse. Staying for 6 more hours would destroy me. No, I am much too strong to let that happen.
I am now in bed, retreated in my safe space, writing the final paragraph and already feeling relieved as we speak. Now, you might wonder what’s the point to all of this?
Had the same situation happened two years ago, I would’ve forced myself to keep going. Surpass my personal boundaries, let the clients suck me dry, suffer from insane anxiety, probably get sicker by the end of the day and be unable to work for at least a couple of days. This time I chose for me. I chose to accept that today is my down. Today is the day that I have to sit back and take a break. Allow myself to feel bad for a minute. Recharge, so I can climb back up and physically feel better as well.
And I want to motivate you to embrace your down. I know it’s not fun, but it’s happening. Period. That’s the balance of life. Fighting it could cost you a lot more energy than embracing the situation and moving on. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. And just like everything comes down, it will go back up. And if you feel like you need some time to recharge. Take that time. But remember to rest, don’t quit. Life will go on. Let’s refill ourselves with positive energy so we can deal with whatever negative energy comes our way.
Oh and FYI, I’m still tackling that project. Because I refuse to quit.