This post might be the most personal I’ll ever get, therefore I want to dedicate it to my sister.
As some of you may have noticed, it has been awfully quiet around on my blog. The honest truth is, when selecting through 4000+ images for 1 blog post of which over 75% of them turned out useless, I felt like my entire essence of the trip was a failure.
When I feel like something I so highly wanted to achieve has failed, I start to feel like a failure, which leads to me feeling demotivated. Now, when I feel demotivated…It’s a done deal. Like, I don’t want to talk to people, I don’t want to do the things that made me feel good…I swear I’ll be the biggest sourpuss you’ll ever meet, but absolutely hidden. Which is why I haven’t written anything for so long. Because, I tend to keep to myself in times like this.
During these days (weeks) I neglected my family, some of my closest friends and also the things
that I love doing the most. My friends and family tried to talk to me, they tried to motivate me, they tried to make me feel better. Usually it works, I’ll feel some sort of epiphany…But not this time. And as much as I appreciated it, in all honesty, it didn’t last. It worked for only a second. Cause I’d take all the positive with just a grain of salt, but all the negative swarming around I’d take to heart. I was pulling myself downwards…
And today 3rd of May, I had a moment of realization. For it is the third of May. Yes, I know said that already. But damn, it is the third day of Lupus awareness month. The month that is dedicated to raising awareness to a disease that on a daily base literally is eating my sister alive. Every year on the 1st of May I make sure to change my Facebook cover photo and/or profile photo to share this awareness month, because too little is known about it. And this year I didn’t. Why? Because I was too busy dragging myself so down that I got careless.
And today 3rd of May, I realized how petty I was.
So, I failed to write the blog post I had wished to write. Boohoo. That doesn’t mean I had failed to make something out of this blog entirely. But by not writing at all, I was failing. Which is exactly what my sister had been saying: “Write, don’t let something you love die.” And my response to that was: “I don’t wanna bore people.” But I think if you, as a reader, managed to get this far in this post I must be doing something right.
This post might be longwinded, and seems to be all over the place. What I’m tryna get at is: it’s okay to feel bad and down for a while…But you best be sure to get yo ass up. Don’t stay down. Get it together. Put on your make up, fix yo hair, dress nice and do what you gotta do to make shit work. Shiiid, Imma get myself together right after I’m done writing this. My hair’s been squished under this bonet for over a week into a unrecognizable TWA. My face barely remembers what a powder brush feels like…
Okay, I’m drifting away here…But you get my point. GET THAT FINE ASS UP! We have a mission to accomplish. Go get it. And if you fall again; cry, be sad, be petty…But you better get yo ass up afterwards.