I was busy cleaning up my blog, when I stumbled upon this post. This article was written 2 years ago when I was also struggling with sharing my writing. Guess I’ve been dealing with this struggle longer than I’m aware of. I might not have overcome my unease of sharing my writing in public, but I can very much look back with pride at my awareness and my ability of analyzing myself. Take a look at one of my first blogposts ever.
A couple of days ago I was challenged by the inspirational blogger Serenity from Serenitheory, after admitting that the pressure I was feeling was affecting my writing. She challenged me to write. Just write away. And if I felt like it, I could let them (a group of very supportive bloggers) proofread. I am not one to turn down a challenge; so challenge accepted.
At 5.30 am I was in the bus on my way to work, I put on my music, isolated myself from the world and just penned down my thoughts. I started writing a letter to myself. This might sound crazy, but it is how my love for writing was developed in the first place. So, why not go back to basic? My entire way to work, I spent writing as I used to do back in the days . Honest to God, when I arrived at work, I felt so…Relaxed and pumped at the same. The letter to myself made me feel good. Why? Because it was absolutely unraveling. It felt like I had a real heart to heart conversation with myself.
Now, you must be thinking: “See, I already thought the bitch was crazy. She just confirmed my thoughts.” I’m not gonna argue that thought. Yes, I am crazy. But trust this crazy person, there’s a point to all of this.
Those who follow me on Instagram have seen this image come by. And it pretty much sums up my entire letter to myself. Because I realized that when looking for inspiration by looking at other succesful bloggers, I let myself get intimidated. This is how it’d go down: “Wow, I love that. That looks so beautiful, but I don’t have that kinda clothes. But I’m not that pretty. But I don’t look anything like that. I wish I had such ideal background. Man, my blog is so dull compared to them.” You see that? That pity party I was holding with myself? No one was telling me this, but me. I was telling myself all this bullshit; I was withholding myself. So, it was time to change that voice within.
Changing the voice within, means changing your mindset. Which is not an easy thing to do at all, but necessary if you want to grow. This is why I knew I needed to stop telling myself these bullshit stories, but also come to terms that I am indeed nothing like these bloggers I admire. And you know what? I’m fine with that too. I have always been the odd one out, but it works for me. Especially when I saw this quote.
How am I supposed to influence the world if I’m trying to blend in and be like them? As you can see, I couldn’t. It would only cost me my own identity and also my passion for writing.
Now, you wanna hear the best part? Ever since I decided to change that voice within to a more positive tone, not only have I been able to write more, I have been feeling much about myself as well. And believe me, honey; positive energy is contagious.
With that said, I can tell you, my beloved ALFa, that you are amazing. But as long as the voice within doesn’t tell you, you won’t believe it. No voice is louder than the one within.